When you visit a doctor for a check up, you are never picturing the worst. You aren't picturing that something is wrong. Something that will require you to go under the knife. And then it happens. You have the choice to get the problem fixed, or to wait until it gets worse and fix it then. I was presented with this problem the end of August. My feet were both structural incorrect and I had a decision to make. Fast.
Lets just say I needed some time to pray about it and think.
5 days later, after much praying and studying my scriptures, I still wasn’t quite sure what to do. I called my Grandma Endicott, and while talking with her about the choice I was facing, I felt like going into surgery was the right thing to do.
September 11. Ummm… who picks that day to go into surgery?! Me.. that’s who. Mom and I were at the hospital at 6 a.m. I was feeling cool and confident. Not nervous at all. I had stocked up on basketball shorts, and I felt like I had done a good job of mentally and emotionally preparing myself to be in a wheelchair for a while. I was giving up a lot of freedom, but it needed to be done. So, I sat in the really nice medical bed (yuck), medical gown (double yuck) and waited to go into surgery. And I was just fine until they came in to put in my IV. Then I got scared and I wasn't so fine. Luckily my mom was there to comfort me, and that hymn went through my head “Ere you left your room this morning, did you think to pray? In the name of Christ our Savior, did you sue for loving favor, as a shield today?”
Surgery was 5 hours long, and when I woke up and looked down at my feet, all I could think was “what have I got myself into?”. They were big, they were white, they were clunky. Medical boots. I was not prepared for that part. It was hard. I felt so disconnected from my own feet! My x-rays looked good (I think?) when the doctor brought those in for my Mom and I to look at. A plate and 5 screws in each foot. Talk about hardware.
As soon as I was feeling ready, I carefully changed back into my own clothes. That was a challenge all by itself!! I felt pretty helpless. Then my mom and some nurses helped me into a wheelchair, and pushed me down to the car. Getting into the car used a lot of my upper body strength. I was not allowed to put any weight on my feet whatsoever. But I finally made it. Mom stopped to buy me a soda, and then home we went. A great family friend who also lives in our ward was at our home waiting. I didn’t have a wheelchair yet, and Mom couldn’t get me into the house by herself. He carried me in, and helped get me into my bed. He served me and carried me when I was at my lowest of lows. I am forever thankful. I propped my feet up with 3 pillows under each leg, grabbed my laptop, turned on Netflix, had some pain killers, and stayed there for the next 3 days.
For the next 7 weeks I was confined to a wheelchair. There were a lot of times where I just had to sit and cry because I couldn’t do things by myself. I would sit in front of my closet, and look at the clothes that I couldn’t reach to put on, and I would cry. The first two weeks I couldn’t even take a bath by myself. To go to the bathroom, I had to get out of my wheelchair because it didn’t fit through the bathroom door. Then I had to scoot using only my upper body to move. All entrances into the house had stairs, so to come and go from the house someone had to lift me. My Mom is definitely my superhero. She took care of me, took me out, lifted my wheelchair in and out of the car and house, and helped me with all of my basic needs. And she did it all with a brand new baby in the house. God gave me a strong woman to be my loving example. I am so lucky to call her Mom.
During the last week of using my wheelchair, I cheated a little bit. I used my crutches, and went through the temple for the very first time. I chose to go through the Manti temple… Let me tell you, there are a lot of stair in that temple. But it made the experience all the more sweet. I had worked hard to get to the temple, and I had to continue to work hard to get through the temple. I felt a huge sense of accomplishment when I finally completed that goal. I did it. All the silent prayers in my head that day got me through. I realized that the Savior was walking the same steps that I was walking that day. So I did it for Him, and in the end I had done it for me too. He carried me in the times that got too hard for me to bear, and I am eternally grateful for His love.
After 7 weeks of confinement I was finally permitted to walk. While wearing those nasty medical boots of course. Talk about an absolute feeling of freedom and gratitude. I had never been more thankful for my legs in my life. I clunked around, very slowly. Retraining myself to walk on brand new feet was its own adventure. Stairs were the biggest challenge of all. But I did it all, slowly and a bit painfully. But I did it.
After a month of walking in my ever so styling and affectionately named “storm trooper boots”, the day was coming for my next doctor visit. Oh how I prayed that I would be allowed to wear real-people shoes again!! On November 23, I was finally allowed to do just that!! I went home and found my favorite pair of cowboy boots, and ever so carefully slipped them on. My feet are still swollen, so they were a bit snug. Honestly though, I didn’t care. I was so happy!!
I had to re-teach myself how to walk. Since the bone structure had changed it was almost a completely foreign thing, and I had to figure out what worked. Day by day, I was feeling the improvement and I was noticing that my feet, ankles, and legs were getting stronger.
And they continue to get stronger and life is returning to normal day by day.
The Lord has truly been on my side through all of my experiences. I hope that the trials I have been asked to take on will make me a better person, or will at least help me to understand and help someone in the future as they bear their own burden’s like Mosiah 18:8-9
“And it came to pass that he said unto them: Behold, here are the waters of Mormon (for thus they were called) and now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light;
Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as a witness of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye may have eternal life.”
I know that life ain't always good to you.
I've seen exactly what it’s put you through
Thrown you around and turned you upside down and so you
You got to thinking there was no way out
You started sinking and it pulled you down
It may be tough you've to get back up
Because you know that life ain't over yet
I'm here for you so don't forget
You can count on me
Cause’ I will carry you till you
Carry on
-Default
